I am puke
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
