see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
