I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize