I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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