Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
