I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry about my life...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
