Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize