Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
