she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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