You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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