I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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