Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
