my room smells like sperm. sweet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
