Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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