everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
