Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In other news, I just burned my penis
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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