whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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