today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
