My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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