He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
