I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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