you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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