I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
