I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fuck appropriateness.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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