he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
