i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
