I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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