I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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