I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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