It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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