you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
