My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
