No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
