My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
