dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
