The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
