Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
