I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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