nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize