i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
