hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
