He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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