I wannas sexs uuuuu
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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