that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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