im having a threesome with these popsicles
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
