she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
