Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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