I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
