Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
