..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
