Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
