My balls are so social today.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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