I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
