I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
