Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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