her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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