I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
