I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
