I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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