Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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