he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
ttyl tear gas
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
