The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
