it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
