so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ttyl tear gas
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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