So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
